What's wrong honey?

What's wrong with me , honey? I am seemingly depressed. Had been crying since the start of the late morning. I missed Dad so much, so much. Yesterday was his lunar birthday, I got him a Green Tea cake from Breadtalk and we all sang the birthday song in both mandarin and english. It was a wonderful song but I can't bring myself to sing the whole song. I never never thought that it will hurt so so much. It is going to be a year soon. I do not really share my inner thoughts with others. Would they ever understand that time is not a limiting factor for grief? I know what people think, one year has passed, she has got to be normal liao.... I am always normal.

Any happy families make me think about my own. Like yesterday concert, the hall was full of happy families, kids hugging their parents, dancing along to the music. It brought back so many fond memories of my own. I really feel like living through Dad's life. I want to be able to see things from his perspectives or rather, see him again. I want to visit the places where he played when he was young, the places that he and Mom visited when they were dating. Will I ever heal? Will there ever be a knight who like Dad can show me the light? Please. What's wrong with me? I no longer seem to be able to correct wrongs. Can you feel the blood that is oozing out of my heart? Will it ever stop? Will it ever heal? I wish that i can go through my childhood again. I promised to cherish every minute of it

I love my family.